Rough Seas

What do you do when you know you need to change a feeling, change the way your heart feels? Is that even possible? I know what my heart wants and aches for, but it is unattainable. Shouldn't that be the point that my brain kicks in and helps my heart let go? Am I defective, is the switch between my heart and brain broken? I am full of faith and know God reveals to me everything I need to know, but what if my heart is so powerful it won't let my brain or soul listen to God? I have never in my life known exactly what I want and need but been so unable to attain it. I believe life is good and while it would be easy to just assume I am meant to live a miserable life due to the pain I feel on a daily basis, but deep down I know it's not true. I know I deserve good things. I deserve to have my heart feel satisfied and whole. I need to find peace, a place where my heart and soul feel at rest. That is what I miss more than anything. I haven't felt it in months. I used to be able to lay my head down at night and feel absolute peace in my body, mind and soul. I don't feel that anymore. I feel like I never rest, even when I sleep. I wake and I still feel as though my heart is heavy.