Friendship

Friendship is a funny thing....but it's not something I take lightly. I have few friends and am happy with this because the friends I do have are worth their weight in gold. Each one of them brings something truly special to my life and has their own strength and purpose in being in my life. Friends are not perfect as they are merely human, they are bound to make mistakes and may sometimes cause you pain as will most people at some point in your life. As long as this pain is not intentional and it is truly a mistake, it is in the best interest of a friendship to let go of this pain and appreciate them for the person they are. I have been reminded the past few days of the very different types of friends I have in my life, but also been reminded exactly how special they are and how they each in their own way bring a smile to my face. From the perfect early birthday gift to time well spent laughing....I have to say I am a very lucky girl. I can truly say I love my life and those that are in it......

Good Day

I have a feeling today is gonna be a good day....More so, I am gonna make it a good day. Had some serious revelations last night that after a good nights rest just seem that much more obvious. Feel like things are going to be a lot easier from here on out. I feel much more at peace and that is something I am always struggling to find. I realized though peace is a lot like happiness the more you look for it the less chance you have to find it. You have to practice it on a daily basis. You are only as happy as you let yourself be, and will only feel as peaceful as you allow yourself to feel.

I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

And sometimes you realize love is love and there is no denying it....Nothing you do will erase the connection or purity of your feelings....


Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm trying to get back
before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best best
and nothing's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love
listen to the music at the moment people dance and sing with me
we're just one big family
and it's our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved loved

So, I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait I'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours

Scooch on over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spendin way too long checkin my tongue in the mirror
and bendin over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
and so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'd be sayin is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait
I'm yours

Letting Go At All Costs

Sometimes it reaches a point where you have to let go...where the benefit of holding on is outweighed by the day-to-day damage of waiting for a change. When your heart is fully focused on someone, there will always be a void until that person is in your life again completely or until you fully realize and accept that they never will again and start to heal your heart one day at a time. Of course this world is difficult so this is never an easy choice. Even once the choice is made complications arise at every turn and make it even harder to mend your heart but the fact is no one can break your heart and if you chose to give someone your heart than you have the choice to reclaim it for yourself. I want my heart back....It's not to be nasty or because I don't think the person was worthy of having my heart it is a simple matter of what I want and what makes me happy and what I know I deserve. I want to build a life with someone, struggle with them, go from the bottom to the top with them. I want someone who wants to share that with me, not someone who feels that you have to rise to the top solo and then join with someone. I think the strongest relationships are those that are built when both people are at the beginning and they rise together through the love and support and faith of the other person. This doesn't take away from being a strong person; it is just a choice one makes if they want to share their successes and failure with someone else. I want someone who is willing to share their successes and failures with me. Someone who wants me to be a part of their rise to the top, just as they will be a part of mine. I don't want someone who will be the reason I rise or someone who needs me to rise, just someone who will allow me to share on their journey through life. I can offer a lot of love and support and need love and support. This is who I am and I am happy with that. I am not going to wait for the right person to join me, maybe there never will be a right person and I will end up going through this life alone. If that is the way it is meant to be, then that is the way it will be. I know God will never give me anything more than I can handle and he has given me the world...therefor there is nothing in this world I can't handle. Sometimes love and compatibility are just on two different sides of the scale and nothing can make them come together..... It hurts and will hurt for a long time probably, but from here on out; I am officially done waiting. I am sealing my heart from any more bleeding and going to start mending it. That way if someday the right person does come along...I won't have half a heart to give them...I will be able to offer my full heart and soul just like I did before.

Sitting Waiting Wishing by Jack Johnson

Well I was sitting waiting wishing
that you believed in superstitions
then maybe you'd see the signs
but Lord knows that this world is cruel
and I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
learning loving somebody don't make them love you

Must I always be waiting...waiting on you?
Must I always be playing...playing your fool?

I sang ya songs I danced a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
putting up with them wasn't worth ever having you
and maybe you been through this before
but its my first time
so please ignore
the next few lines cause they're directed at you

I can't always be waiting...waiting on you
I can't always be playing...playing your fool
I keep playing your part
but it's not my scene
want this plot to twist
I've had enough mystery
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
well I'm already down
Just wait a minute
just sitting waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting

Well if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long
but Lord knows that I'm not you
and if I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do

Must I always be waiting...waiting on you?
Must I always be playing...playing your fool?
No I can't always be waiting...waiting on you
I can't always be playing...playing your fool,

Inner Peace

When you can find calm in the middle of the storm, that is when you know true inner peace. I feel like I have always been a restless soul. This creates numerous problems in my life, because in many ways I perform much better in high stress situations than when things are going good. I guess this has to do a little with my pessimism as well. When things are going well, I am always waiting for the other shoe to fall, so instead of waiting I throw the shoe down! I create a storm to live in because it serves my immediate purpose while preventing me from every truly acquiring the things and situations I truly desire. I have a very hard time relaxing...I have been told by numerous people just relax and chill out but I feel so often like life is racing past me and that I can't afford to wait and relax. I am trying more these days to just relax and appreciate each day for what it is. I am also trying to find that inner peace so when the entire world around me is falling apart I will stand strong and be able to deal logically and calmly. I think more than anything in this world the one thing I crave is peace, I have relied on everyone else except for myself in the past to acheive this peace, I finally understand that by relying on others for my peace I am preventing myself from ever truly feeling peace permanently. It will always be reliant on the generosity and attitude of others. I deserve to feel peace even if no one else in this world is offering it to me. I deserve to take it and feel it as I walk through this world.

Time or Times Up

How long do you give someone? Is there a time limit to realize true feelings or are true feelings truly instant? How long until you get fed up with waiting? How much time do you allow to pass before you realize that it is time to move on? I have a heart that can't let go so I am apparently not the one to answer these questions. I get advice from others and they tell me that one day I will wake up and be over it all and that's when I will know that I moved on. What if that day never comes along? What if I can never let go? Through the fact that I don't truly want to move on won't I never move on? I wake up thinking about it, go to sleep thinking about it and exactly what point is it going to leave my mind? I dream about it, see it at work, think about it every song I hear on the radio, every movie that is released? Has it just become a habit and obsession and that is what I am not willing to let go of? Or is it true feelings that can't be erased because once your heart has been touched by someone, you can never go back?